


Collateral Damage

by Ein_Nachkussen



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, CanUK undertones, CanUK unrequited love, Heartbreak, I love Matthew, I swear, M/M, Pain, Romance, Unrequited Love, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-07 23:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14681697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ein_Nachkussen/pseuds/Ein_Nachkussen
Summary: Matthew has been in love with Arthur, his best friend, for years. But he never had the courage to admit his feelings for him and come out in general.But his courage is put to the test when his new stepbrother, Alfred, shows too much interest in Arthur.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nyoengland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoengland/gifts).



> Hi Alice, I thought it would be appropriate to gift this to you, please enjoy (P.s, you may post your letter to my lawyer)
> 
> And for anyone who is interested: my friend has written their own story based on this premise. However, it has given it a much lighter tone, and even humour, it is well worth the read if you have a few minutes to spare: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14616022
> 
> Please enjoy :)

Since the moment their eyes met that one time in ninth grade, green met blue, their hands touched when they both reached for the books that had fallen to the floor of the locker room. In the midst of the chaos of the first school day of the new year, Matthew Williams knew that he had fallen in love with the new kid, Arthur Kirkland. Granted, it took him all the way to finals in the twelfth grade to realise that.

After that moment, Arthur and Matthew became friends, it turned out that Matthew was the first student to talk to Arthur. He came to Ottawa with his parents, and so he was the only one attending school, he knew no one.  Matthew could relate to that, he was quiet and soft spoken, he always sat at the back of the class and felt as though he didn’t exist.

But that all changed when he met Arthur, he would always find a place next to him and keep him company. And with that came more attention from other students, students who were interested in meeting Arthur and hadn’t talked to Matthew very much. Arthur changed Matthew’s life, he brought him a stable friendship group, more confidence and even a better grade in English.

And… He was also there when Matthew’s parents divorced… They divorced the year Matthew and Arthur met, and it emotionally crumbled Matthew and thrusted him into a dark place. Arthur was there to help him pick up the pieces when he didn’t have to. Arthur didn’t know Matthew; but he was there for Matthew to vent to and cry to when his father started to take out his anger on the young Canadian. Whenever Matthew had to stay with his father following the separation, he screamed at Matthew, often in a drunken rage, and called his mother horrid things. Matthew’s dad made him afraid of speaking up, and for a while it seemed like not even Arthur could help him. It was only a matter of time before Matthew’s mother had full custody of him, and life was back to normal, at least it felt like normal after a while.

But that was years ago, now Matthew’s mother was engaged to a new man named Frank, who Matthew liked, and while Matthew was completing his final exams, he was stressing over his future, and also stressing over his feelings for Arthur. Whenever he looked at Arthur, his heart was in his throat, beating hard enough to almost cut off his breath, and when he smiled Matthews entire brain disconnected. But he’s not gay, right? Oh Lord, he’s got to be at least a little bit gay if he feels it way about Arthur…

 The gay pill was a big one to swallow. And Matthew’s mother was the only one who knew about it, and while she was supportive, Matthew wasn’t completely ready to come out of the closet yet, and especially not ready to admit his feelings to Arthur.

Matthew was quickly trusted by Arthur, and the pair became inseparable best friends, so much so, that Arthur came out as bisexual to him when they were seventeen. Matthew should have taken advantage of the moment and come out to him as well: but he didn’t understand his feelings yet, he hadn’t yet differentiated the feelings between best friends and a crush.

And to top it all off, Matthew’s mother announced her engagement to Frank. Frank was a businessman who lived in Cleveland, _America,_ but he frequently travelled to Canada for work, where they met by chance and instantly clicked. Matthew liked Frank, he was nice to him and Matthew was honestly glad that his mother had found someone like him. Frank was funny, kind, respectful, and he treated his mother like a princess, Matthew was honestly glad to hear the news of the proposal. Frank also had a son, Alfred, who was Matthew’s age. Matthew got along well with him, they both liked sports, video games and movies, Matthew loved to visit him whenever his mother went to visit Frank in Cleveland.

And then the wedding happened, and it was beautiful. Matthew’s mother looked fantastic as she walked down the aisle and married Alfred’s father. As they kissed, Alfred and Matthew looked at each other with smiles on their faces, _they’re brothers now._ Sadly, Arthur couldn’t attend the wedding, and even more sadly, Alfred and Frank had to return to Cleveland after the wedding for another month before they could move to Ottawa. Matthew was so excited to have a full family, and a brother!

“Alright Mattie!” Matthew’s mother chirped as she walked through the kitchen while carrying the laptop, she seemed excited, “Frank and I have officially booked the hotel for Paris!”

“Nicee!” Matthew chuckled as he let his mother show him the website of the nice hotel where his new step-father and his mother were going to be spending their honeymoon.

“So, will you and Alfred be alright staying here alone for three weeks?” Matthew’s mother asked.

“Come on, you saw how well we get along, you can go for four weeks!” Matthew replied.

“Alright, but I am warning you, when it’s time for Alfred’s welcome party, I want no funny business, no alcohol, not too loud, and keep it under control,” Matthew’s mother explained, “Also, all of the neighbours know that you two are alone, they will be checking on you, and don’t hesitate to ask if you need any help.”

“Mom, we’ll be fine,” Matthew sighed, rolling his eyes as he felt his mother put her arm across his shoulders.

“Oh, and another thing about Alfred…” Matthews mother muttered, leaning closely into Matthew, she was smiling at Matthew like she knew a secret, _“Guess who’s just come out of the closet…”_

“What?!” Matthew asked, his jaw dropping as his eyes widened in shock. “Is he gay?!”

“You two have a lot more in common than we first thought,” Matthew’s mother cooed, as Matthew’s cheeks burned bright red, he almost couldn’t believe the coincidence. “Frank said that he’s screaming it from the rooftops, he’s out, proud and ‘too gay to function.’ That sounds just like him.”

“Oh my God,” Matthew sighed, that _does_ sound just like him. Alfred was the type of guy to be loud and proud, he gloated all of his achievements to Matthew, whether they be in football or videogames. Alfred was as bright as the sun and his smile reflected that confidence. Matthew couldn’t help but admire him, he wished for that confidence, and he wished that he was confident enough in himself to come out of the closet, and come out to Arthur…

“And Frank said that the doesn’t mind me telling you this, so he knows that you know,” Matthew’s mother explained. “Perhaps he can help you.”

“Have you told Frank?” Matthew asked, feeling slightly panicked.

“No, no I haven’t, I haven’t told anyone,” Matthew’s mother promised, “I won’t tell anyone anything unless you want me to.”

“Yeah, _please don’t,”_ Matthew squeaked.

“But, it could be worthwhile for you to talk to Alfred about this, he would want to help you out. And you’ll have all the time in the world while Frank and I are away,” Matthew’s mother pointed out, her grip tightening around Matthew’s shoulder. Matthew knew that she wanted him to be comfortable with himself, to be comfortable with his sexuality, but there were things that he experienced in the past that made him afraid. And his anxiety diagnosis did not help him at all. Matthew wanted to come out, but he wanted to do it once he was in university, where he wasn’t around the toxic people in his school that hurt him in the past.

“I will,” Matthew promised, leaning into his mother as she gave him a kiss on the head.

\----

“Alright boys, we’re off, please remember to behave yourselves,” Frank explained sternly as he lifted a suitcase into the trunk of the taxi.

“Be sensible, be safe and we’ll message you as soon as we land,” Matthew’s mother explained as she gave both Alfred and Matthew tight hugs.

 _“We know,”_ Both Alfred and Matthew moaned, before accepting Frank’s hugs.

“We need to make sure!” Matthew’s mother exclaimed.

“Yeah, we never know what you two could get up to,” Frank joked as he came to Alfred and Matthew and gave them both tight hugs. “We’ll send you photos, and we want updates from both of you. Daily. Remember to budget. Don’t set fires. Remember to keep the doors locked.”

“We know, dad, _we know,”_ Alfred chuckled when he returned his dad’s hug, happy to receive a kiss on the head. It seemed that Alfred and Franks parental relationship was just as good as Matthew and his mothers. They looked just like a father and son, they shared glasses, blue eyes, clear skin and blonde hair. Hell, they even had the same laugh. Matthew was confident that Alfred was going to make whoever he ends up with as happy as Frank has made Matthew’s mother.

As the newly step-brothers got to know each other better over the next few days, Matthew came to realise just how much Alfred was like his father. He hummed and swung his hips while waiting for the kettle to boil, he was loud at the climax of video game matches, and he went for what he wanted with gusto, whether it was for Matthew to order his preferred pizza or his goal of being an engineer. Matthew was glad that Alfred became immediately relaxed around Matthew, he laid on the couch like he owned the damn place—but Matthew didn’t mind, his mother told him to make sure that Alfred adjusted to his new home. It seemed like Alfred didn’t need Matthew’s help at all with that.

By the end of the week, the day of Alfred’s welcome party, Matthew couldn’t help but admire him. He was confident in himself and with his own decisions, he knew what he wanted and knew how to get there., he didn’t panic over anything—Matthew would kill to have that kind of mental calmness.

“Are you nervous about meeting so many new people?” Matthew asked as he poured a packet of potato chips into a bowl, setting up for the guests, who were bound to arrive within the next half hour.

“No, I’m excited,” Alfred replied, practically vibrating where he stood, “I want to meet as many people as possible!”

“Wow, well, there’s a decent number coming tonight,” Matthew explained, as he passed Alfred to put the bowl of chips on the dining table, which had been covered in snacks and sodas.

“And they’re all you’re friends?” Alfred asked.

Friends _because of Arthur,_ Matthew thought, “Pretty much, they’re all people I’m good with.”

It was true, Matthew trusted all of these people, and they have known Matthew since seventh grade, but only really started getting to know him in the ninth grade, because they were interested in the new kid with the British accent. While that fact upset Matthew a little, he was glad that he was good enough to keep their attention, even when Arthur’s British flare wore out.

Arthur was the one who helped Matthew come out of his shell, even though it was just a little bit.

Over time, Matthew seemed to only become more and more attached to Arthur, so much so that his heart raced whenever they looked into each other’s eyes. He was so damn pretty too, Matthew only seemed to accept that he had these thoughts in the eleventh grade, when things got really interesting in terms of sex-ed and experimentation between their classmates. While Matthew knew that girls had a crush on him, he just couldn’t take it further, he just couldn’t see it, he thought of kissing a girl and the only words going through his head was _‘I’m sorry, Arthur. I’m so sorry, Arthur.’_ That was when Matthew had to man up and accept the fact that he was probably gay, and gay for Arthur.

It spooked him, greatly, knowing how many people he’d have to explain it to, and how he feared people treating him differently because of it. He knew homophobes, and he knew that they would not take lightly to the news—He knew his father was a homophobe because when his mother left him, he would get into Matthews face and call his mother a lesbian whore and to never trust her again. Then there were also the drunken rages about everything from _fags,_ to _bitches,_ to _the entire Canadian divorce court._ But then again, he was angry, drunk and hell bent on keeping Matthew away from his mother. But Matthew knows two things now: his mother is not a lesbian, and his father projected his own issues onto his son; which is technically emotional abuse and has worked as seen by Matthew’s anxiety diagnosis and mental scars. But then again, Matthew hasn’t spoken to his father in three months, shows what kind of fatherly love he has when he’s not living under the same roof as his child.

Within the hour after Alfred and Matthew’s conversation, at least fifteen people had rocked up to the house, and were spread out through the downstairs area. Matthew made sure to introduce Alfred to everyone the minute they walked through the door, but that was harder than Matthew expected, and people didn’t exactly get the memo that plus-ones, plus-twos and plus-threes weren’t exactly appreciated. Within an hour and a half, the house was packed, and Matthew felt lost in his own home. Matthew stood in the centre of the living room, he didn’t know where Alfred was, but there were people everywhere, talking, dancing or just causing a ruckus, all Matthew could do was hope that no one was supplying alcohol. He watched a few people drinking from cups and laughing right above the small step that led from the entrance hall to the living area, and wondered what exactly was in those cups, cause the guys drinking from them seemed rather erratic.

“Matthew,” A voice said as a hand came to grab Matthew’s shoulder from behind, but once Matthew turned around, he smiled when he saw Arthur looking up at him. “I made it! Did you get my text?”

 _Arthur,_ Matthew smiled and his heart raced when he looked down at the short Englishman with a wide smile. He had been feeling Arthur’s absence, but now that he was here, Matthew was finally going to enjoy himself.

“You made it!” Matthew chuckled, before checking his phone to see Arthur’s message; which was telling him that he was running a little late, “Oh shit, I didn’t see it, sorry.”

“No problem, I’m here now, now tell me, how have you been going with the exams?” Arthur asked.

 _“I’m dying inside!”_ Matthew admitted, glad that is statement made Arthur laugh. God, he was so precious when he laughed, Matthew knew that he’d give anything to hear that daily. Someday Matthew knew that he’d have the courage to confess, but until then, it was pure torture to stand with him, knowing that he only saw Matthew as a friend. He didn’t even know that Matthew was LGBT as well. But he knew that he was going to change that when he had the courage.

“Well, we only have a few left and then we’re done with school!” Arthur replied, sighing loudly with relief. “Now, where is this new step-brother of yours?”

“Sure, let’s find him,” Matthew replied, turning around to lead Arthur around the house, but he didn’t need to take a single step. Alfred was making his way down the step from the entrance hall to the living room, and he paused the moment he saw Matthew. Alfred’s eyes widened glistening from behind his rectangular frames, his bottom lip trembled a little before forming into a small smile, he was staring at Matthew like he was the most gorgeous thing he had ever seen. But then, Matthew realised that Alfred wasn’t staring at him, but at Arthur.

Matthew’s heart dropped into his stomach when he watched Alfred move closer, his eyes not once moving from Arthur. And it was only made worse when Matthew looked at Arthur to see that he was returning Alfred’s stare with the same intensity and intrigue. When Matthew looked back at Alfred, he was already standing directly in front of Matthew and Arthur, as though waiting, no _begging_ with his eyes for Matthew to introduce them.

“A-Arthur, this is Alfred,” Matthew stuttered, stepping aside to let them shake hands.

“Arthur, _hey,”_ Alfred said, so smoothly, Arthur’s name practically slid from his tongue and slapped Matthew right across the face.

 _“Hey,”_ Arthur replied, looking away coyly as he brushed his hair behind his ear. A subtle flirt as he returned Alfred’s stare, making his interest well pronounced.

_Oh crap._

“Yeah, Arthur, this is my step-brother!” Matthew announced, trying to not sound as interjecting as he felt.

“Heh, you two could pass for real brothers,” Arthur pointed out.

“Oh yeah, we—”

“We’ve been told that, my dad and Matt’s mom seem to agree,” Alfred interrupted, another blow to Matthew, which was only worsened by the way the charming American smiled at Arthur. “Your accent… English?”

“Mm, _London,”_ Arthur replied, in a voice that Matthew had never heard before, accompanied by a smile and a stare that Matthew had only seen in his imagination.

 _“Oh wow, that is so cool”_ Alfred replied, far keener than he should be, _too keen._ His smile only deepened the longer he stared at Arthur, he was looking at him like he wanted to fucking eat him! He was the wolf confronting Red Riding Hood, and it was making Matthew nauseous to stand by and watch. But this changed when Matthew reached over and put his arm across Arthur’s shoulder’s, fighting hard against the urge to topple him over like a domino. Anything to end this encounter.

“Yeah! Arthur came here from London in ninth grade, _I_ was the first person in school to talk to him,” Matthew pointed out, far prouder than he knew he should be, “We’ve been best friends ever since.”

“Heheh, yes, and I deeply appreciated that,” Arthur chuckled.

“That’s really cool,” Alfred said, his keen stare subsiding somewhat.

 _Good,_ Matthew thought, _now stop it._  

 But of course, Alfred wouldn’t stop, and he smiled at Arthur as he scratched the back of his neck, _“You know,_ a lotta people have asked if I could hang out with them again sometime, I was thinking that we could do the same.”

“Sure,” Arthur replied, before looking to Matthew, “The three of us should hang out.”

 _Oh, thank God._ But wait, was Arthur only including him out of sympathy? According to Arthur: what was he now? What even was he to begin with?! – who was he kidding? Matthew tried to rationalise his anxiety, he knew that Arthur regarded him as his closest friend, and Alfred’s presence wasn’t going to change this. It just sucked that Arthur seemed to enjoy flirting with Alfred right in front of him.

But Matthew knew why Arthur was ok with it: he knows that Matthew knows he’s Bi and has accepted him completely, and Alfred flirted first; being the confident guy he is, so of course Arthur was going to retaliate. He doesn’t know a thing about how Matthew feels about him, _and whose fault is that?_

_Just…. Seeing Arthur look at him like that…_

Matthew had never seen Arthur flirt like this, it made Matthew’s heart hurt more than he thought it would and he could only see it getting worse. He could only hope that nothing more came from this.

Matthew didn’t want to leave them alone, but when he was with them, his heart was screaming constantly. But he didn’t know which action he hated most. He ignored all of his other party-hosting duties in favour of sitting with Alfred and Arthur on the couches, wanting to keep them as preoccupied as he could.

But of course, there were moments where he couldn’t, and Alfred and Arthur got to talk to each other for a few minutes, and in those few minutes; Matthew had the perfect view of their blossoming attraction. It made him want to scream. He wanted to find out how Arthur flirted himself, and not see it happen to his step-brother!

“So, you’re finished with finals?” Alfred asked.

“Not yet, I have my last exam on Monday, and then I’m done with high school,” Arthur answered.

“Yeah, I’m in that Monday one with you…” Matthew pointed out, reaching for involvement in the conversation, anything to feel more involved.

But he could still feel himself shrink into the background whenever they looked at each other, it was like the rest of the world was locked out the moment their eyes met. What was it about Alfred that got Arthur so interested?! --- _No… Matthew knew why,_ it was because Alfred was brave enough to do it first. Alfred was brave enough to show his interest in Arthur, and Arthur deemed him acceptable enough just by looking at him. Alfred had the charisma and charm that Matthew only had in his imagination.

God, it was so painful to watch, not only because Arthur was Matthew’s love, but that Matthew knew that he could flirt with Arthur much better than that! He had lines that would make Arthur shiver if he had the courage to pull them off!! Matthew wanted to go and bang his head against the wall when Alfred underperformed when compared to what Matthew came up with in his head!!  

“Oh wow, you were a _quarterback?”_ Arthur asked, leaning closer in interest.

“Mm, I’m even debating joining a team when I go to college, before I applied to any of the colleges here I had to check out their teams,” Alfred explained, “But, if I do, would you come watch?” 

Matthew was feeling angry, but not at Alfred or Arthur, but himself. He’s had Arthur in front of him for so long and has liked him for so long; but he never allowed himself to act on it. And now Alfred, who’s confident in himself has come into the picture and is flirting with Arthur right in front of his face.

How would Arthur feel if Matthew came out to him after this? Would he respond well, or is he already too interested in Alfred to care? But even with the threat of losing Arthur right in front of him, the idea of Matthew coming out filled him with pure anxiety, he’d have the face the music and face his critics and face his own internal questions. And the idea of that terrified him. He’d kill to have Alfred’s confidence and his courage—He stared down an attractive guy from across the room without even knowing if he’s gay or not, that took some real balls.

“Hey, I was thinking, maybe we can exchange numbers?” Alfred asked, “Then we can celebrate you getting a fantastic finals result.”

“They won’t be out for a few weeks, and I doubt I will get a _fantastic_ score,” Arthur replied bashfully.

“Well then, we need to organise something sooner,” Alfred proposed, “You could come over and chill with Matt and I sometime.”

“I already do that,” Arthur chuckled before sharing a glance at Matthew, “I’m practically your brother.”  

It took all of Matthew’s willpower to not visibly cringe, he felt his soul leave his body to hear Arthur refer to him as a _‘brother’._ Oh God, this could not be worse, this could not get any worse for Matthew, he knew that Alfred was not going to stop talking to Arthur by himself, he’s too interested in him—and Matthew didn’t blame him. 

He only had himself to blame for this.

Thoughts about the pair consumed him throughout the night, even when the party was over, and he and Alfred were doing a brief clean-up.

Everything was supposed to be normal, but no, Matthew felt his heart sink a little every time he saw Alfred look at his phone and smile, because he knew who he was messaging.

“You and Arthur seemed to get along really well,” Matthew pointed out as he walked around the living room and picked up the leftover plastic cups.

“Yeah, he’s so cool!” Alfred agreed, “I could just talk to him forever.” Yeah, and he would have, if Arthur didn’t have to wake up early tomorrow morning. “He’s even messaging me right now.”

“Oh, what are you talking about?” Matthew asked, trying his hardest to not show how much this was hurting him, he kept his back to Alfred and tried his hardest to keep moving.

“Nothing much, I’m trying to convince him to get into Stranger Things,” Alfred explained.

“Oh yeah, he’d like that show,” Matthew agreed, pissed that he hadn’t come up with the idea first. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt.  

“I’m thinking it would be cool if we marathon it, if you wouldn’t mind sitting through the first season again,” Alfred explained.

Hm… Perhaps Matthew is overthinking this. _Yes,_ Alfred and Arthur flirted really hard before, but Alfred isn’t talking like he’s interested in keeping Arthur to himself, Matthew is automatically involved in their activities. Which buys him more time to get his act together.

But Matthew would happily sit through the entire first season of Stranger Things, if it meant being around Alfred and Arthur. “Yeah, that sounds really cool, I’m down for that.”

“Yeah, a lot of the people you introduced us to are great,” Alfred pointed out, “I think I’m gonna adjust really well here. People weren’t kidding when they said Canadians are nice.”

“Well, I’m really glad you’re liking it,” Matthew admitted, he was genuine in this.

Even though just thinking about Alfred and Arthur gave Matthew enough anxiety to make his soul leave his body, he knew that this was _his_ issue, it wasn’t like either of them had done anything bad or wrong. Of course they’d find each other attractive, Alfred was handsome and Arthur… Arthur was the most beautiful guy Matthew had ever seen.

Matthew couldn’t sleep, he tossed and turned in his bed with his eyes wide open, despite the blindness from the darkness and for his lack of lenses. His anxiety was through the roof, and it was only getting worse the more Matthew thought about Alfred and Arthur. He remembered how Alfred smiled and how Arthur’s eyes checked Alfred out, and judging by how much Arthur seemed to enjoy their conversation, he liked what he saw. Matthew almost couldn’t stand it, it made him want to cry and kick and punch like a child in a tantrum. That’s what he was _a child,_ a child in love who didn’t know what he wanted and was too scared to ask the important questions or take the important steps. He was scared of everything, and now it was holding him back.      


	2. Chapter 2

One week down, two more left to go. Matthew and Alfred had a good first week of living by themselves, and with every passing day, Alfred and Matthew were getting closer and closer. However, Matthew did not sleep properly on Friday night, the events of the welcome party had Matthew shaken, and thinking about the way that Alfred and Arthur looked at each other left him feeling worse. But of course, he had to hide that while skyping with his mother and Frank.

“I just couldn’t resist, I had to walk to the Eiffel Tower again!” Matthew’s mother gasped, her voice coming off slightly digitised because of a lagging moment in the internet connection.

“But then that got us lost for over an hour,” Frank pointed out.

“That’s because we read the map wrong,” Matthew’s mother chuckled.

“And the locals had no idea what we were trying to say,” Frank chuckled, as both he and Matthew’s mother started to laugh together.

“Not even my French could help us!” Matthew’s mother pointed out. At this sight, Matthew couldn’t help but smile, he hadn’t seen his mother like this for a very long time, she was laughing with Frank like he as an old friend, but their love was very clear. Matthew could tell by just looking at them that this was going to work, his mother was not going to go through a second divorce and was not going to be hurt by another man again. But if Frank hurts her, Matthew knew that he was going to make Frank’s life hell on earth.

“Haha! Nice one!” Alfred chuckled as he hooked his arm over the Canadians shoulder so he could lean on him to get a view of the screen, where Matthews mother and Frank stood in their hotel room in Paris.

“So, what’s the plan now? Where’re you guys going next?” Matthew asked.

“We’re going to Versailles today, we’re getting ready to head out,” Frank explained.

 _“Oooooooh,_ that sounds nice,” Alfred pointed out.  

“What else have you guys done?” Matthew asked.

“I’ll send you two all the photos, we saw the Moulin Rouge yesterday, and we want to check out some museums later in the week,” Frank explained, “We’re doing the most touristy things.”

 _“Oh!_ How did the welcome party go?” Matthew’s mother asked.

“Yeah, it doesn’t look like the house hasn’t been burned to the ground,” Frank chuckled.

 _“Yet,”_ Alfred grimaced, making his father laugh.

“The party was nice! The house was pretty crowded at some point, but the clean up was easy,” Matthew explained.

“And I met so many cool people!” Alfred explained, “I met Arthur, he’s lovely!”

“Aww, that’s nice!” Matthews mother agreed, “He’s really sweet, and he comes over a lot, so you will definitely see more of him.”

“Can’t wait,” Alfred admitted, smiling in a way that made Matthew freeze.

Just the fact that Alfred had brought Arthur up worried him, he knew was going to be seeing Arthur today because of an exam for a class they shared, maybe he’ll be able find out a little more about how Arthur feels about Alfred. Perhaps they really are just good friends, Arthur really was an extremely nice person to new people, maybe Matthew was thinking too much into this.

Alfred has only been in Canada for a few days, he can’t be looking for a boyfriend right away. But still, no matter how much Matthew tried to rationalise it, anxiety would not let him breathe easy. 

He could tell already that Alfred had the spirit of a wildfire, he is not easily contained and is quick to move, he knows what he wants and doesn’t let much stop him. 

It was like an itch that he could not reach, Arthur made his heart race, but the thought of losing him to Alfred made Matthews heart _ache._ He has loved him for so long, but he’s only been holding himself back from proclaiming that love. He had to change that, and _fast._  

“So, what’s the plan for today?” Frank asked.

“I have an exam today, but I’ll be back at around three,” Matthew pointed out.

“I’ll just be chilling until he gets back,” Alfred added.

“Eh, Matthew, why aren’t you studying?” Matthews mother asked.

“I’ve reached the point of no return,” Matthew grimaced, “If I don’t know something by now, I’m not gonna know it in two hours’ time. Besides, it’s Math, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, good luck, sweetheart,” Matthew’s mother cooed, “I know you’ll do really well.”

“And Alfred, how’s the college hunt going?” Frank asked.

“Well, The University of Ottawa is looking pretty good,” Alfred pointed out, “And Matt is going to be checking it out next week, so I’m gonna tag along.”

“That would be so handy if you went to the same college,” Matthew’s mother replied.

“I just need to decide what I wanna do in college…” Matthew grumbled, slowly sinking into his chair as the thoughts filled him with dread.

“That’s what we’re gonna focus on, kay? But hey, you don’t have to jump into college right-away, right?” Alfred asked quietly, noticing Matthew’s change and anxious reaction. Alfred already had everything sorted, he knew what he wanted to do, so maybe talking to him about this would help.

“Yeah,” Matthew replied quietly.

“So, do you two have anything coming up?” Frank asked.

“Matt’s gonna show me the ice skating rink!” Alfred exclaimed cheerfully, as Matthew decided it was time for him to get ready to leave for his exam, he was going to let Alfred take care of this part of the conversation. Alfred had a lot of fun things he wanted to do, so Matthew knew that he was going to keep them busy for a while.

“Ok, I’m gonna start getting ready for this exam! Wish me luck!” Matthew announced before waving at the screen, “I’ll speak to you guys tomorrow, same time—Ok?”

“Yes, good luck Matthew!” Frank exclaimed, as him and Matthew’s mother waved back.

“We love you!” Matthew’s mother announced as Matthew started to walk away.

“Love you too!” Matthew replied.

\----

As Matthew expected, the exam was manageable, there weren’t any surprises or insanely difficult problems; Matthew knew that he was better prepared than a lot of his classmates. He also knew that Arthur was well-prepared, and that could be seen in the way that Arthur flew through the test, changing pages faster than almost everyone. But when Matthew had finished his test and looked over to check on Arthur, he seemed to be looking through the test again, going through every question quickly to make sure that he’s happy with his answers.

Matthew just couldn’t help himself, whenever his mind burned out he found himself staring in Arthur’s general direction. Those jade green eyes were narrowed in concentration as he stared down at the paper with a glare of utter determination, a bomb could go off in the examination room and Arthur would not even blink. His slender fingers were quietly tapping on the desk almost constantly and matched the beat of his jumping knee, and Matthew loved the idea that Arthur didn’t even know he was doing that. It was so cute and Matthew couldn’t even explain why, everything Arthur did just had that effect on him!

That wasn’t the first, nor the last time that Matthew found himself staring at Arthur during an exam. It was easy for him to do, he could just get lost in Arthur’s presence and let the time fly. The young man made his heart race and hands sweat, setting alight all adolescent dreams deep inside Matthew. He has never felt such a powerful attraction towards someone before, and just thinking about it set the butterflies in his stomach on fire. His crush was developing into so much more, and had been for so many years, it was about to boil over, Matthew had already begun to call it love. Arthur had given Matthew so much since the day they met, he wanted to give Arthur the world and he wanted to be the one to make him happy, now and into the future.

But doing that also means that Matthew would need to face his inner demons and come out. But every time he thought about it, memories resurfaced of his father, of former bullies, of all the horrible things that people had said to Matthew. He was scared of having to spread the word that he’s gay, or probably gay—he doesn’t even know!

He hated this, he hated being scared of literally everything! It was like his anxiety was holding him by the throat constantly! But he did find hope in the fact that someday he was going to find inner peace when it comes to this situation, he’s not going to be 18 and confused forever. He just couldn’t wait for that inner peace to come.

He supposed that he’d have to do it soon anyway, or has he already missed his chance? With that thought, Matthew remembered last night, how Alfred and Arthur looked at each other, smiles curved with curiosity, eyes narrowed with interest and attraction thick in the air…  It made knots in his stomach and his hands ache hard enough to make his fingers tremble, it was uncomfortable to think about.

Tired, he rubbed his face with his hands, there was no hope in him concentrating now, thank God he’s finished the exam and just waiting for the exam time to finish, and he knew that he had one more next week. He lowered his face towards the desk and dug his fingers into his soft blonde hair, thankful that he had showered that morning, because his hair had become fluffy and light like puppy’s fur.

Once the exam was over, Matthew couldn’t have gotten up faster. He was done, he just wanted to go home and lie down, maybe watch some tv, make some food and just mentally prepare himself for the next exam.

“Matthew!” Arthur chirped as he sped up to Matthew as they were walking towards the pile of bags that had formed by the entrance to the auditorium, where the exam had just taken place.

“Hey!” Matthew chuckled as he put an arm over Arthurs shoulder to give him a hello, “How’d you find the exam?”

“Eh, it was fine,” Arthur replied, “I was expecting something worse than that!”

“Well, it means you studied well,” Matthew pointed out as he and Arthur collected their bags, “I’m sure glad I studied, otherwise I would have been screwed, especially for that last part.”

“Oh, you did fine, you’ve always been good at maths!” Arthur exclaimed, as all of the students began to leave the campus, for many this was their final exam, but Matthew had one more next week to take care of before he was finished with high school for good. “I’m just so happy that was my final exam! I’m done!”

“Do you know what you’re going to do after?” Matthew asked.

“I’m looking at perhaps something to do with literature, or even teaching,” Arthur explained, “The University of Ottawa and Carleton seem pretty good. God, it’s unnerving thinking about how we’re going to be making all of these changes. It’s all on us now, we make the choices…”

“And they impact the rest of our lives,” Matthew shuddered.

“Somewhat, but it doesn’t make it any less daunting,” Arthur pointed out, before chuckling softly, “I’m loving Alfred’s enthusiasm for everything, he sounded like he already has his entire life sorted and he’s so energetic about it. It was refreshing.”

The pair had now reached the bus station that they both took to return home; the stop was in the centre of town. People surrounded them, all going in different directions, and in and out of the shops that littered the street.

“Oh yeah…” Matthew mumbled, his hand tightening into a fist, but he kept his smile, “I wish I could have that kind of self-assurance.”

“Hah, and he’s been messaging with me, he really wants to do that Stranger Things binge. But… In terms of being new, I can somewhat get where he’s coming from, a new country, new people, new surroundings. But when I first came here, I was very stressed,” Arthur admitted, “But Alfred doesn’t look like he can even get stressed! He’s so bright.”

“Hah,” Matthew muttered, he had to move this conversation somewhere else, all of this talk about Alfred was making him nervous, just what kind of an impression did Alfred leave with him? Was he really that interesting? “So, what’re your plans for now? You’re officially done with school now, we should celebrate!”

“But you’re not finished yet!” Arthur pointed out as Matthew took Arthur by the arm and led him towards the ice-cream shop that was a few steps away from the stop.

“Please don’t remind me!” Matthew chuckled, “Come on, we haven’t been here for ages!”

Matthew was smiling, but inside he was beaming, he had actually taken charge! It was rare of him to encourage Arthur to change the routine! But he was feeling spontaneous now, he wanted to remind Arthur that he can be as bright and energetic as Alfred.

“I suppose, but as soon as you are done with your last exam, I’m taking you here too!” Arthur pointed out with a pout as he let Matthew lead him into the bubbly and bright ice cream shop. He supposed that Alfred wouldn’t mind if Matthew stayed out a little longer than he said he would—Matthew will text him soon and let him know that he’s with Arthur…

At that thought, Matthew couldn’t help but wonder, how would Alfred feel about that?

Matthew shook away that thought as he and Arthur pondered over ice cream flavours, telling himself that he was just being petty! Alfred knows that he and Arthur are friends, of course he’d not be jealous if they hung out! And Matthew shouldn’t be jealous either, it’s just pettiness and anxiety. And that thought was reassured when Matthew looked down at Arthur, and saw him already looking at him, smiling sweetly with eyes that made Matthew’s heart race.  

Perhaps Matthew shouldn’t worry so much about little things, it’s only going to make him stress out…

All he needed to make his fear go away was some time with Arthur, like this, laughing over ice cream and talking about good times. Being with Arthur made Matthew forget about everything, he forgot about being sad and anxious, hell, he even forgot that he hadn’t come out. When he was with Arthur, everything was fine… He didn’t need to be someone else, despite his secret. His heart raced whenever he looked at his smile or heard his laugh. Matthew valued everything about Arthur and wanted him to know that. But of course, he can’t just say ‘I love everything about you’ – no matter how much of a good mood he was in.

But it was all in his thoughts;

_You’re too cute_

_Your smile means everything to me_

_I want to make you happy, more than anyone else_

_I’m not 100% straight and it’s your fault_

_I’m really in love with you._

\-----

Another week down, one more to go before his and Alfred’s parents return. But now, Matthew was no longer a high schooler. His final exam went as well as he expected, and he was hopeful for his final marks. Now Arthur owes him an ice cream, and it’ll make Matthew just as happy as it did before!

He messaged Arthur on the bus ride home, letting him know that he expects ice cream sometime in the near future! They’re done with finals and done with school! It was such a weird feeling, just the fact that Matthew had so much more freedom now filled him with enough energy for him to not know what to do with it! He was filled with the _buzz_ of oncoming graduation, he had no more classes, no more tests—well, until he goes to university!

He sat on his window seat on the bus and watched the city go by, wondering what he was going to do now, he did like the idea of getting into studies: maybe in science or health… He did like the idea of being a doctor of some kind, his cousin was a physio-therapist and she seemed to be having a good time with her work. But Matthew knew that this was something he would have to think about very deeply, a lot of time, effort and money would go into this decision; and it is not to be taken lightly.

Matthew tried to breathe and listen to music to calm his racing heartbeat, the thought of planning for his future, among other things, always made Matthew unnecessarily nervous, and he absolutely hated it. His graduation buzz turned into dread.

Once Matthew was off the bus, he started the short walk back to his house, in a lush, vibrant and green part of town, where people loved to walk with their dogs and families. Matthew couldn’t help but smile at every stranger he passed, thinking about how he’s now officially an adult, he’s out of school and forging his own path now, _God have mercy._  Matthew chuckled, yes, he is panicking now, but once he sits down and sorts out what he wants to do next, he should be fine, perhaps some of Alfred’s confidence would rub off on him.

Within a few minutes, Matthew returned to the house, walking up the stairs to the front door with his music still blaring in his ears. He went to unlock the door but saw that it was already open, telling Matthew that Alfred was home. But when he thought about it, Alfred would have had to have left the house in order to leave the front door unlocked. Matthew didn’t concentrate on those thoughts for long as he made his way into the house and pulled out his headphones, hearing the noise of a movie playing throughout the house, unnecessarily loudly as well.

Matthew also couldn’t help but note that the house had a new smell, popcorn, which Matthew didn’t remember buying when he and Alfred did their grocery shopping. But once again, that didn’t matter as Matthew slowly walked down the entrance hallway and towards the entrance to the living space, where he aimed to announce to Alfred that he was finally finished and ready to relax.

But what he saw made him feel the exact opposite…

Alfred wasn’t alone…

Matthew’s heart dropped into his stomach and his neutral expression fell to one of pain when he recognised Arthur immediately, and saw him straddling Alfred’s lap. He and Alfred were so close, and what they were doing was unmistakable.

They were kissing, _hard._

Their eyes were shut tightly. Arthur’s hands were on Alfred’s head and in his hair, and Alfred’s were gripping Arthur’s hips, guiding the Englishman’s hips into a heated rhythm. Even over the movie, sounds of their deep breaths could be heard, it was as though they were in their own little world.  

Alfred and Arthur’s tongues graced by as their kiss deepened, and Arthur angled his head in just the right way, so their lips fit together like puzzle pieces. Their hands would not stop moving, and were constantly exploring each other’s bodies, they were pressing against each other in a way to simulate what could possibly come next. Matthew felt as though he had just been shot, and his heart had been shattered into thousands of little pieces.

If he watched anymore he was going to break and he moved away, bolting to his bedroom where he slammed the door shut and slid to the floor in a hyperventilating mess. He pressed his back against the door and tightly closed his eyes, where he only kept seeing it! It made him grip his hair hard enough to pull it out, he only wanted to scream!

 _“Matt?!”_ He could hear Alfred call out.

 _“Matthew!”_ Arthur called out.

That was Arthur—Arthur, _making out with Alfred!_ What?! When did they—

“Hey, dude, you in there?” Alfred asked, knocking on Matthew’s door. Matthew gasped as he rose from the floor and lightly patted his face, trying to not sound like he’s about to crumble into thousands of heartbroken _pathetic_ pieces as he replied.

“Yeah! H-hey,” Matthew replied, “Sorry!”

 _Sorry?!_ Why was he fucking sorry—sorry for seeing his stepbrother making out with the guy he’s loved for years!?

Matthew took a deep breath and opened the door, seeing Alfred and Arthur standing there, looking like a couple who’s just been caught, Alfred’s glasses were lopsided and his t-shirt was sitting unevenly on his torso, and Arthur’s cheeks were bright red and his hair was a mess. But Matthew couldn’t help but notice their linking arms, and it felt like someone was rubbing salt into his wound. He didn’t want them to know about his pain, he couldn’t bare it, so he put on a pathetic smile and awkwardly muttered, “I, um.”

“No, w-we’re sorry,” Arthur muttered in embarrassment, “That’s not the best way for you to find out... _Haah…_ ”

“Yeah, it— _Yeah_ …” Alfred added, chuckling awkwardly, “We’re watching a movie, you’re welcome to come down and join us. We can explain if you like.”

 _There’s nothing to explain…_ _They’re together now! Arthur chose Alfred! Alfred won the race without even knowing he was competing!! Dammit!_

Matthew tried to hide his pain and shock, but he knew that some was seeping between the cracks in his smile, he held his breath and finally said, _“In a bit…”_ He punctuated with a weak smile, finally breathing once he closed the door…

Matthew couldn’t even walk, he simply fell back into his position with his back against the door, feeling like he wanted to die. The image of Alfred and Arthur dry humping like that was burned into his brain. He wanted to scream, he wanted to scream and cry while kicking up a storm, but he knew he couldn’t… He had to sit in near silence and cry for a lost love, that he never really had in the first place.

He felt traumatised, like a piece of him had been ripped from his chest and stabbed before being shoved back in.

He never expected heartbreak to come with so much physical pain… It wasn’t only centred in his chest; a hollow pit had formed in the bottom of his stomach. It was like his whole body had just shut down. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t even lift his head from his hands, it took him a few seconds to register the fact that he was crying. And once he did, it was like floodgates being unleashed; and he couldn’t stop, no matter how much his mind screamed at him to stop. 

Matthew felt so pathetic… He and Arthur _weren’t anything,_ he shouldn’t be crying like he’s lost his soulmate. He _wasn’t_ Arthur’s boyfriend and Arthur _didn’t_ know how he felt. He tried to tell himself that, but in a moment of clarity, Matthew realised just what he was mourning over: his chance. He had his chance to give Arthur all of his love, but he missed it.

What kind of guy cries over something he never had?

After what felt like ages, Matthew finally pulled himself from the floor, wiping his eyes as he took many deep breaths, trying to reduce the reddened pigment of his cheeks, and the pain in his eyes. He got dressed into something more comfortable, and looked at himself in the mirror that hung from the wardrobe door, and tried to smile… No… He still looked so hurt, _so pathetic…_  

\-----

“Hey, Arthur, can I tell you something _?”_ Matthew asked, his heart in his throat, he watched as Arthur’s thick eyebrows changed into a frown, questioning the serious look on Matthew’s face.

He and Arthur were alone in the living room, watching TV, just like how they always did. And it was supposed to be normal, but Matthew had to get this off his chest, and for some reason, now felt like the right time to do it.

He wanted to move on from this chapter of his life: the chapter where he was so in love with Arthur, that it hurt. Matthew knew that he was no longer in love with Arthur, no sucker remains this petty for over three years—but it didn’t mean that Matthew was still feeling the sting of it. And that’s what he wants to tackle now.

“Sure,” Arthur replied, turning his attention away from the TV, he glanced a couple of times at the door, knowing that Alfred, Arthur’s boyfriend of three years and now _fiancé,_ was going to be returning home soon. “What do you need to talk about?”

When Matthew finally came out later the same month that Alfred and Arthur got together, nothing changed. No one treated him differently, none of his relationships changed, he wasn’t held back or excluded from anything. Everyone had gotten into college just fine and Matthew seemed to have finally found that inner peace he had sought so much, but of course, there was one vital piece missing… By coming out, a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulder, but now, an entirely new weight pulled him down: _regret._ If Matthew hadn’t been so afraid and came out to Arthur, would have he accepted him?

It had been killing him the entire time, and he felt that admitting his feelings was the first step in getting over this.

“I just, I need to get something off my chest,” Matthew admitted, nervously scratching the back of his neck, seeing Arthur’s expression evolve.

“Yes…?” Arthur asked, and Matthew could see that Arthur was growing concerned, thinking that Matthew had gotten himself into some kind of trouble.

Matthew was screaming on the inside, Alfred and Arthur are married now and are looking for a home together; everything was perfect for them. But Matthew knew that this has to be said.

“I… I am really happy for you and Alfred, honest,” Matthew stuttered, “But, I, um. I’ve known that I’ve liked men for longer than I admitted…” He didn’t know whether he should go into this lightly and let Arthur ask questions, or if he should just spit it out and answer questions after. He had rehearsed this so many times in his head, but now that the moment was finally here, he was choking.

“What are you saying?” Arthur asked, his eyes searching over Matthew’s face for some kind of answer, but Matthew knew that he wouldn’t find anything but sadness and anxiety.

Looking back, there were so many moments, even back to the moment they met, where Matthew could have said something, or did something that could have changed both of their lives forever. But he held himself back, he held himself back and now he’s paying the price. He watched Arthur fall in love and get engaged to someone else right in front of his eyes, not knowing that Matthew’s heart was being chipped… He felt that it was time for Arthur to know that.

“I’m saying that… I’ve…” Matthew muttered, his hands tightening into fists, “For years… I loved you.” Arthur opened his mouth to say something, but Matthew kept going, taking advantage of Arthur’s stunned reaction, “I’ve liked you since the moment I met you, only in twelfth grade did I realise it was love… I felt so much for you, but I never had the courage to say anything…” 

“You do know that I am—”

“Getting married to Alfred, yes, _I know,”_ Matthew firmly interrupted, which was something that he rarely ever did, and it only made Arthur even more surprised, “I am happy for you guys, I really am. It didn’t take me long to notice that Alfred loves you like Frank loves my mom, and if you are as happy as she is, then it would be selfish of me to complain.”

Matthew still smiled with them, laughed with them and honestly wished them the best, not even Matthew could deny that they made each other happy. He supposed that’s the best he could get in this situation: if Arthur wasn’t with him, at least he’s with someone who makes him happy. 

“Matthew, I…” Arthur muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, staring down at his fingers, where Alfred had given him a simple golden band, a symbol of their coming union. Matthew could see all of the memories returning to Arthur, and it seemed like everything was making sense to him. “You know that I’ve always cared about you. I’m sorry you felt that way.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry. I did this to myself,” Matthew sighed, feeling his heart ache all over again the longer Arthur stared at him. Arthur was feeling sorry for him, he could see it, and it was driving him deeper into the hole of self-pity—but this time, he knew how to deal with it. “I held myself back from telling you how I really felt, and I let you get away. I was scared of everything and let my anxiety control me. And I feel like telling you this will give me some control back and help me move forward.”

“Do you still feel any love for me” Arthur asked.

“In some form, yes, but it feels distorted and confused. All I know is that I deeply care about you, and I think being in love with you and having my heart broken while remaining still so close to you has made this love into something strange, it’s pain mixed with joy and it’s turned into something I don’t recognise. I don’t want to feel that way about you anymore,” Matthew admitted, “I want to love you like a best friend and a brother-in-law, that’s why I feel like admitting this is a good start. I want to be in yours and Alfred’s lives, I don’t want to get over this properly.”

“How did you feel when we announced our engagement?” Arthur asked, “He wants you to be his best man. Does he know anything about this?”

“No, no one knows about this. But please don’t forget that I am genuinely happy for your two, you make each other happy and that’s what matters,” Matthew replied, “But I’m not gonna lie, it hurt. For the years it was like being kicked in the gut whenever I saw you two being cute like that, and it was no fault of yours. But I knew then that this wouldn’t drag me down forever. I’ll find someone on my own and love them in my own way. But I just feel like I have a lot of fixing to do before I should start looking for them.”

“That’s actually very brave of you to admit,” Arthur pointed out. As always, Arthur’s expression was as readable as a children’s book just from the animation of his face, he became almost cartoon like. Matthew could tell that Arthur was struggling with this, and it pained Matthew a little to see that Arthur’s reaction to this was such a powerful one: did he really have no clue? “I don’t know what else to say, I didn’t know you had those feelings for me… Is there any way I can make it easier?”

“Don’t act different around me,” Matthew requested, “I am still your friend, I just… I just need to sort out a few feelings… I’m grown up now, I’m not going to let my anxiety hold me back anymore…”

“OK, I… I suppose,” Arthur muttered, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was scared,” Matthew replied, shamefully hanging his head, “Coming out was a really scary experience for me, it had been eating away at me for years and just… Knowing that I was going to be putting a label on myself, and changing peoples thought about me was really scary to me. And I know people who wouldn’t have taken the news lightly, and… _God,_ I felt so stupid for so long, because once I came out and started accepting myself more, everything became less scary.”

“I know how you felt,” Arthur admitted, “I was scared of coming out too, I’m sorry that I didn’t talk about how liberating it felt…”

“No, even if you did, I don’t know if it would have changed much,” Matthew replied, “I was stuck in my own ways, I was stuck in a cycle that I acknowledged but refused to fix. I let my fear of how others would see me keep me trapped in a bubble. I thought that I would be treated differently and that I would lose friends… But seeing you with Alfred that day really gave me a wake-up call. All that happened was that my dad got a bit pissed at me, but that doesn’t impact me at all.”

“See, you are just being you, and if someone decides to get pissed off just because of that, then it’s an issue with _them,”_ Arthur explained, “But I’m glad that you managed to sort everything else out by yourself.”

“Yeah… Now it’s just _this…”_ Matthew sighed, “Unresolved feelings that are driving me crazy…”

“But time has healed it well, right?” Arthur asked.

“Yes.”

“And so, it will just keep getting better, especially now that you have this off your chest,” Arthur explained, “Time can heal all wounds, this one is just taking a lot of time…”

“Yeah, I’m just glad to have it off my chest,” Matthew replied, before looking to Arthur, now he could see just how awkward Arthur was feeling, but Matthew couldn’t blame him; he’s gotten married and now he’s learning that his best friend loved him, it’s a big thing to handle. At least Arthur doesn’t hate him for it and is being nice about it.

“Will you tell Alfred?” Arthur asked.

“I don’t want to cause any unnecessary drama, so I won’t…” Matthew replied, “Do you mind not telling him either? I only plan to tell you about this, and maybe a therapist.”

Matthew could tell that Arthur was internally struggling with this, Alfred and Arthur are going to be married soon, there shouldn’t be any secrets between them.

“I’m only going to be getting better, so soon it shouldn’t be an issue. I just felt like you should know the truth and know that I’m working on it. Closure, you know.”

“I understand,” Arthur replied, _“Fine._ I will keep this between us.”

Matthew knew that this was a big ask of Arthur, who took his loyalty to Alfred very seriously; but it seemed that he valued Matthew’s friendship on a level close to that. If Matthew had admitted this and Arthur didn’t care as much, he would have probably gotten angry.

“Thanks,” Matthew replied, “I just… I felt like I lost you…”

“But you didn’t lose me, right?” Arthur asked, “We didn’t stop hanging out, I just… I just picked someone.”

“You have a good point…”

Matthew found himself looking at Arthur and smiling, but in a way that was different to all previous times, now that Arthur knew about his feelings, he could get some closure over his heartbreak.

But Arthur was right, Matthew hadn’t lost him, Arthur just fell in love with someone else… And while Matthew could have continued to mope and be sour, he knew that he didn’t want that for himself, he deserved his own happiness, and now he was determined to find it.

 


End file.
